Friday, 8 February 2013

Marriage

I saw the movie This is 40 a few weeks ago with some friends and it got me thinking about marriage. Seeing as how I have been married for just about a year now, I feel like I am able to finally understand a little bit about, what it's all about. :)

Marriage is a wonderful thing...

It is kisses when you come home from work,

Cuddles when it's cold outside,

It is long walks on a cool Fall day,

It is cooking dinner together, listening to music and laughing your butts off,

It is movie marathons in your pyjamas with endless amounts of popcorn and candy,

It is knowing, with certainty, that there will be someone to wipe your tears and listen to your worries.

Our wedding - Image by Gemini Photography

But.... They always say that with the good, comes the bad. It is the stuff that they don't show you in the movies and in fairy tales. It is the arguments over paint colours, and it's the things that you loved about the person when you were dating, actually driving you crazy seven years later! It is not being able to agree on when to spend money and when to save it. It's having different opinions on when to clean the house and when to relax, and it's the realization that right now, you can't afford to travel or do the things you once dreamed of while you were dating.

There is this beautiful idea of marriage that a lot of people seem to have. I remember growing up thinking that marriage would be roses and cake 24/7! Smiles and laughter, no arguments, endless possibilities and love. 

It is not until I got a lot older did I realize the work that went into sustaining a happy and most importantly, healthy marriage. A marriage that holds communication, understanding, honesty, compassion, patience, and love as the most important attributes. 

Every marriage is different and some things that certain couples fight about, are not an issue for others. And that is not a bad thing! It depends on the people involved and their willingness to make things work. It is really easy to give up, throw your hands in the air and move on. It's a lot harder sticking through and making it work. It is going to be roses and cake a lot of the time, but sometimes it's going to be a volcano of anger, miscommunication and misunderstanding! It's going to be yelling and fighting and sometimes going a day without talking. But, as long as you can find in that person why you fell in love with them, and be able to admit when you were wrong and say those important little words, everything will be ok. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and say "I love you and I'm sorry". 

We also have to take into consideration how we evolve. The older we get and the more life experience we have, the more we change. I think it is important to  have to put yourself in your spouses shoes for this. It means they are constantly trying to relearn you. Something that would have not bothered you a year ago might be your worst pet peeve today. It is a constant struggle, and until you can step back and remove yourself from the situation (which is very difficult to do in the heat of the moment) you will never understand what it's like for the other person. I often find myself wondering why my husband does the things he does, but I see him growing as a person. He is trying to figure out what makes him happy at work and at home and he may deal with it a different way then I do. I have to learn to be patient with that, and understand that he might be trying something different for himself, and maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. I am sure that I am not always so easy to understand myself!

If we try to understand these differences, and forgive each other for making mistakes, marriage might just be a little easier. Marriage is an amazing gift. A gift that you have to work on every single day. It is a constant work in progress. Marriage is all those things I mentioned at the beginning of this post, but it is also humility, patience, understanding and unconditional love. It is being able to admit when you are wrong, being able to let your guard down, forgive a mistake, and maybe even try to be a little less stubborn.

Marriage is a wonderful thing. It is never going to be easy, but as long as you both work on it, it will be wonderful... 

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